Vacant, Void, Vexed, Visibly Vanished,
Viscous Verdicts, Values Vanquished
Is this what it's like to be the
I'm watching 13 Reasons Why. I know I'm not the demographic it was aimed at but I am "enjoying" it - if that's the right way to describe something about teen suicide? I think it gives the appropriate attention to the fall-out on the adults and the teens it depicts but I don't know because luckily for me I've never had anyone close to me who took their own life. But I do know what it feels like to be a child who feels suicidal because I once was that child. Age 11. There...that is something I have never told anyone.
Luckily, I kept thinking what would happen to the people I left behind and I decided that I couldn't do that to them. I had changed primary schools at Easter for the last term before secondary school and I hated my new school mainly I think because I had loved my previous school. I didn't fit in, I had no friends. I was becoming pre-pubescent. I felt I couldn't tell my parents because I knew how much the move had meant to them. I was alone and therefore I just didn't want to go on anymore. If I say, I opened high-up windows and found razor-blades and leave it at that.
It was an awful period but I got through it and when I went to secondary school I left behind those children and that school ethos and made good friends and had a wonderful time. And no-one ever knew because I didn't want anyone to. And that's why, when I watch 13 Reasons Why, I think they have it right about the victim being voiceless and unable to tell anyone what she is going through - to make the true connection person to person and get help - because it is so hard.
I don't have any answers and these are only my own thoughts - I am quite happy to have comments but I also know this is a very sensitive subject so please write considerately. Thank you.